"All Things Work Together For Good." Right?

Any Harry Potter fans out there?  I could really use a Pensieve right about now.  I have too many thoughts in my head to make sense of them right now.  I'm hoping the writing will help, since I don't know where to find a Pensieve. 

We had some very, VERY shocking news in our family recently.  As most of you know, my husband has two children from a previous marriage.  Nathaniel is six, and Sophia is five.  Our arrangement has been that Matt and I have primary placement of Nathaniel (he lives with us most of the time, goes to school here, etc.), and their mom has primary placement of Sophia.  We switch off weekends so the kids get to see both parents and spend time with each other.  This summer, we agreed to split up the summer vacation, so Sophia has been with us for the last five weeks or so, and we were going to drop the kids off next week so they could spend the second half of the summer with their mom.

Well, things have changed.

Two Sundays ago, Matt got a phone call from Lorinda (the kids' mom).  She said that she thought the kids should be together all the time, especially since she's been having trouble with some of Sophia's behavior, and she's noticed that Sophia seems to do better when Nathaniel is with her.  So she wanted us to take primary placement of Sophia as well as Nathaniel, and she would keep visitation rights.  Cool!  We were so excited.  Matt and I decided that Lorinda should be the one to tell Sophia, so the plan was to work this out with Lorinda so she could do it on the 11th, which is the day we had set up to make the exchange.  We thought she'd take them the rest of the summer, and then when school started we'd just take both of them home with us.

And then things changed again.
. 
Last Sunday, before we set that up, Lorinda called again.  This time we got a bombshell dropped on us.  She decided that she doesn't want visitation rights.  In fact, she never wants to see either of the children EVER AGAIN.  That's right.  Never. Ever. Again.  Not now, not in a year, not in ten years, not ever.  She said it would be better if it was like she didn't exist.

And then it was our job to tell them.

What on earth do you say to children whose mother does not want them?  So often, when parents get divorced, they do their best to assure their children that it is not their fault, it's between mommy and daddy, mommy and daddy still love them very much.  And even after that, some kids still blame themselves.  Well, this time, mommy isn't here to say, "This isn't your fault."  All we can do is say that mommy wants what's best for you and she thinks this is best.  And then hope we're right.  And hope they buy it.  And of course we told them how excited we are that we will all be a family all the time.  The funny thing was, when we told them, Sophia was absolutely thrilled.  "You mean I get to stay here forever?  Yaaaayyyyyy!!!!"  We're not quite sure she gets it.  That she will never see her mommy any more, ever.  She will never see Josh (their stepdad) ever again.  She will never get to go "home" (or what she has called home for as long as she can remember). 

But Nathaniel gets it.  He asks the "Why?" questions.  "Why aren't we going to see our mom anymore?"  "Why does she want just us to be a family?"  "Why does she think this is the best thing?"  I don't know, sweetie.  I wish I did.  I don't understand this much better than you do.  Now that I'm a mom of my own child, I understand what people mean when they say that you fall in love with your child.  What the heck happened to her?!  I'm asking myself the same questions that the kids will eventually ask themselves.  What happened?  Why did she do this?  Why doesn't she want to see them?  Doesn't she love them?  And what about Josh?  Sophia calls him Daddy.  Doesn't he love her either?  And I just don't have the answers.  I probably never will.  The kids have given us small clues as to some of the stuff that goes on in their house, and it sounds like their marriage was a little rocky, but we never saw this coming.

Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, who are the called according to his purpose."  I have to believe this.  I have to.  How else can this be explained?  I SO wish I could see the good right now.  And I guess I do; if things were going south at their mom's house, and if she doesn't want them, of course it's better that they be with us.  But man, what a price to pay for that "good".  And it's the innocent ones that are paying it.  I heard someone say once that everything that happens in our lives, everything, will either bring us closer to God or drive us farther away from him.  Everything can be used for our salvation.*  Maybe all this is happening now, when they're still pretty little, so that we have plenty of time to pray that they will use this for their salvation when it matters, when they are mature enough to wrestle with all these "why" questions. 

And there's another definite positive--Sophia will be received into the Orthodox Church, hopefully very soon.  May the Holy Spirit work in both her and Nathaniel, if nothing else to give them the wisdom to understand that it's not always our job to know the answers, but it is always our job to trust that God, Who knows all, has everything in His control.

So, in the meantime, please pray for them.  And pray for Matt and me, that God will give us the wisdom to know what to say when we don't have the answers, and that we can use this opportunity for our salvation as well.

Pensieve crisis averted.  Writing did help.

*For my non-Orthodox readers:  we believe that we have been saved, by grace, through faith, but we are also continually being saved.  St. Paul says, "Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling."  (Philippians 2:12)  So, that's my goal.  To have faith, rely on God's grace, and continue to work out my salvation.  I suck at it, but I keep at it anyway.  I hear it's worth it.