The Week From Hell

That pretty much sums it up lately. 

For those of you who haven't heard, it's been a pretty rough week.  Not only did we have to break the news to Nathaniel and Sophia about never seeing their mom again, but Matt lost his job.  In a really crappy way.  Allegations were made that were not true, and they did not follow proper protocol in handling them anyway (i.e. verbal warning, write-up, etc.), which basically amounts to a wrongful termination.  Monday morning Matt had gotten a call from work telling him that he was on suspension.  This was for a completely different incident, one that they were absolutely correct to investigate, and we were pretty confident that he would be cleared to return back to work.  But that was not to be.  He was indeed cleared on that incident, but other things came up during the investigation.  As I said, allegations were made, and he was let go.

Let me back up a little bit and digress for a moment.  I am a stay-at-home mom.  That is all I have ever wanted out of life.  To get married and have children and get to stay home and raise them.  I figured it would never happen, but then Matt got this job very soon after Peanut was born, and I was able to quit work when she was about 2 1/2 months old.  It might seem odd for someone who worked in a group child care center for 11 years, but I hated having her in daycare.  I think child care facilities can be wonderful places for children who need to be there because of family circumstances, but I believe that it is best for our family for me to stay home with Peanut and be available for Nathaniel and Sophia during these next few years (which will undoubtedly have rough patches for them).  Needless to say, I was psyched that we could do this, and I was so grateful to God, and to Matt who worked so hard to make this happen.  So when we got this phone call saying Matt was suspended, even though we weren't really too concerned at the time, it got me thinking.  What would happen if Matt ever did lose his job?  The thought TERRIFIED me.  And then I realized:

I love my life too much.  I was hanging on too tightly.  And that can be tricky business.

Didn't Christ Himself say, "whoever desires to save his life will lose it"?

So I prayed.  And I mean really, really, PRAYED.  For the first time in much too long.  (Hmm, about as much time as I've been really loving my life, the one I had always wanted, the "husband and kids" one.  Coincidence?  No such thing.)  It went something like, "God, I gotta let go of all this.  You gotta help me.  Please!"

And He helped.  He took the fear and replaced it with faith.  I thought (and still think) that I know what is best for my family, but I was reminded that He knows better than I do, and I hung onto that.  Ok, I'm feeling better now.  Still confident that Matt's job will be ok. 

But I still needed that reminder.  And it came just in time.

Matt got called in to go to work at his regular time Thursday.  But then he called about an hour after his shift was scheduled to start, saying he was coming home because he had lost his job.  Then my prayer was more like this:  "Help help help help help help help help what are we gonna do? help help help help help gotta be strong for Matt help help help help help help!"

And He is helping. 

First of all, let me tell you (who don't know him) how great our priest is.  He gives rock-solid spiritual advice, but he is also extremely practical.  Which is really helpful.  We should be able to trust God no matter what, but I have to say, in my case it's a lot easier to trust when I have a solid game plan.  Fr. Maximus helped Matt out a lot with an approach to appeal his employer's decision to terminate.  God has really blessed us by sending him to us. 

God has also blessed me with some opportunities, one of which is another child to care for during the day to help bring in extra income. That would still allow me to stay at home even if Matt's appeal didn't work out and he got a lower-paying job (which actually might be a possibility; he found out there's a position opening up at a previous employer).  I also have the option to go on my old employer's substitute system.  They're not technically hiring more subs right now, but my director said she'd be willing to put me on if I decided I need to do that.  That is definitely a personal favor she would not extend to most people.  It would allow me flexibility with hours and could be a temporary fix if needed.

Also, Nathaniel got stung by a bee today.  Which doesn't seem pertinent, but it is.  He got stung while playing outside in the yard, and our neighbor got him some ice.  Matt went over there to thank her and met a friend that they had over, who is a county board member and is on the Human Services Committee, which oversees the Brown County Community Treatment Center--Matt's employer.  Matt told him what happened and he thought it sounded a little fishy.  So he told Matt to call him tomorrow and he'll see what he can do.  I have never had any love for yellowjackets, but the one that stung Nathaniel has a special place in my heart.  Even if it turns out that this doesn't help, it's nice to know that God has sent people to look out for us. 

This really has been a week from hell.  But I'm determined to let it point me in the direction of heaven.  The second half of Christ's statement I quoted earlier is, "but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it."  I may not find the life that I loved and might lose, but that's not the life He was talking about finding anyway.